Reality Slams

Ain't that the truth? Don't reality slams? Twenty-seven and still living the same life when I was 21. Unfortunately, that do not make me in any way, young by living standards.

The comfort to take from the additional years versus the same life day in and day out(with the change being that transition from a student to a working woman) is the maturity, the experience and the wisdom that has come along for the ride. Well, wisdom is supposed to be present, anyhow if the wisdom teeth I had pulled out was any indication of life enlightenment. Somehow, being the constant magnet for losers, as my senior back in uni used to brand me indicates otherwise.

Why, surely with wisdom, one would think a better judgment of the male mind and character. But no, not so for moi. Always, I find myself either stuck or falling for a guy who needs my constant attention and motivation. Well, it's all fine and all, but I'd like some of them back too. I mean, if all were taken away and none given back, I might lose a little of myself along the way. You know what I mean?

Lately I thought I have found someone who was not a loser, he's different from the kind I'm used to, but then he still needed my attention. Problem was, that's what I was afraid of. That maybe, he wants me just for the attention. How sad is that? Pretty pitiful, innit? For, despite needing me in his life, sharing with me his most secret and personal troubles, we are just friends. This was clarified by him when I asked after one year of the development as described above.

Maybe the male mind - his, in any case has just not developed yet. The answers to all those "what do I want?", the "is she the one?", the "what am I doing with my life?" and the "am I ready for this?" questions has just not popped. Goodness, being 25 should probably give you some good clues for the answers to those questions. Maybe he's just one of those unfortunates that has escaped the blessing. Harhar. Or maybe, it was just me who has managed to miss the blessing most girls by the age of 27 has already gotten and achieved.

Maybe,... just maybe... I'm missing something. Something I'm supposed to do, but have not yet, and therefore I'm not.. ?

Life is complicated, and it really don't need more complication with guys like the one described above messing with my mind, my heart. My Soul. Okay, maybe laying it a bit too thick on the 'My Soul' bit, but I'm a living being. I do have a soul. One that needs nourishment too. It's not touched by this complication, I don't think.. for I have not allowed whatever's in my heart to dig a deeper grave, but eventually, it'd starve from hunger for something more lasting. Something sacred that is cherished.

Though I realise I am not the only one facing the same predicament, I in fact have an aunt who is 42 and only now getting married this next Saturday(19th November 2005), it'd still be nice to know you're wanted, needed and cherished enough to be someone's somebody.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I am tired of being someone's nobody.

And that's just what it feels like sometimes.