Life is Good

Life is good. My search for another person, a being with a heartbeat, more, a heart, as a source of distraction from thoughts of Dude being futile, I turn to doing something different instead. First, it was paintball, which went very well if I do say so myself. In fact, I am now the self-proclaimed 'Head Koncho' of the recruits..heheh.. Well, I organised the thing, so I reserve the title of Head Koncho, thanks.. *grins* And then, it was planning for the white water rafting sometime in July or August with my friends.

While paintball, or PAINball(heheh) has been put on hold in light of the recent increase of petrol prices, thus heightening of the Malaysian people's woes, and white water rafting a few months away, I slipped back into my 'missing Dude' mode. Fighting off the urge to give him a ring, especially since now, he calls me a few times a week, I did the unbelievable. I joined a gym. The months of debate between joining Celebrity Fitness and Fitness First, and then waiting for my friends to decide to join as well, I decided, that was it. Enough of waiting, enough of debating, I had to do something different. I had to take action. Funnily, that was exactly what I became all of a sudden. From being 'all talk', I've really turned myself into a 'woman of action'. har har. So I flatter myself. I think, at the moment, that is a very healthy thing for me.

Anyhow, the gym turned out to be the greatest thing that has happened for me. With my new 'tag line' of "Hidup Lebih Ceria Bersama Fitness First" (trans: 'Life's More Cheerful with Fitness First"), I have actually established myself as the 'Fitness First Ambassador' - unofficial, of course - among the wonderful and supportive people in my office department. Of course, at times they could be the very boil on your arse, but at heart, they are really sweeties. I suddenly become a happier person and I wasn't even exercising yet to get the happy endorphins out of their cages, if you get me.

..and then, a few days of 'doing my thing' at the gym, two important people to me, who did not know each other, specifically my friends Aless and Niens, said something that hit me quite squarely between the eyes. They both said, in more or less the same words, "It's good to see that you're happy with yourself." This confirmed what I have suspected so myself. That the only thing that was making me happy in the past year or so(or most of the time, anyway), evolved around whatever it was that Dude did that made me happy. A little bit sad, but I suppose that's part and partial of life's experience. My life's experience. I do not regret it. Nevermind because it has now taught me that if we're not careful, no matter how independant a person we think we are, we may actually be dependant on things we shouldn't ever be dependant on for our own living. God, that was a little bit more than 'twisted'. But the point's there. Truly. Heh.

It has not been a week since I've actively participated in activities at the gym - equipment junkie I am - that a wonderful thing happened. I 'discovered' someone. Well, very 'on the surface' of a someone. The someone is a colleague of mine whom I have always known by name only, same business unit, but different department, hence, different floors. We ended up being in the same group, and I find him to be as interesting as he is attractive. I love the sexy quality of his voice. He's got the voice of one just awaken from sleep. And I frickin' LOVE that!!!! rrrowwwrr... To add as a bonus are his stubbles. Gawd, but I do love a man who's not 'lokek' (stingy) with his stubbles!!!! grrrooowwwrrr...hehe.. Anyhow, since this guy totally rocks me physically, I do not mind getting to know him better. I don't want to be so 'perasan' (affected), but the fact of the matter is that, everytime I caught him looking at me, he does not hide it by looking away or whatever. In fact, I'd smile at him, and he acknowledges me by smiling back. I like that. A lot. Plus, surely that affirms that he was looking at me. I find it necessary to put in that this happens quite a number of times over the course of the two days. Ahem.

When we got back to the office, I investigated. One thing I am opposed of is to flirt(oh, come on. Everybody does it. And a Gemini only so naturally - :P) or get more than deemed friendly with someone's love interest. From my creative sleuthing through a woman I know well, who coincidentally turned out to be his confidant - I found out that he is seeing someone outside the office, they have gone out all of 3 times and that he is in his 'confused' stage. The wind was blown out of my sails for a bit, but the Lady Confidant assured me that I should go for it because she was certain her friend - let's call him Patch, for reasons of my own(*grins*) - is not serious with this girl he was seeing. He's also on the search for Ms Right. Yaay, I thought. However, I have a new resolution to observe and that is to follow Greg Behrendt's advise. To not waste the pretty and to find a guy who is REALLY into me, and not just someone who is not THAT into me.

It's cool that our work requires us to interact and as fate would have it, the day after our seminar, the first thing my superior asked me to do in the morning was to get information from Patch's department. It's fate, I tell you. hehe.. So I did, and we managed to flirt a bit, it takes two to tango, so I'd say we were both dancing. But he backed out claiming that he was joking when I said to name the time and place when he asked for repayment in the form of a lunch, for services rendered. I laughed at him then. And then..that was it.

Or so I thought. A week after, he started to include me in his mailing lists. And I reciprocated in turn. We've flirted somewhat vaguely, playing it safe since, but don't know lah where it'd take us, if at all. I figure, I'll wait for him to make the moves, and I would respond in kind, if only to show my interest. Nothing more. A girl shouldn't be too Choleric in the face of a Phlegmatic guy(ref: Florence Littaure's Personality Plus).

The problems I have with this guy is that...Lady Confidant tells me that he plans to settle down this year. That'd mean if he's so set onto his target, I may not have a chance at getting to know him better, or he me. But then, I should count my blessings it's only March. How do I communicate to him my own personal quote and a life philosophy I live by? >> "Do not settle for the sake of settling down?" <<

Ah, well..it's not like I didn't learn my lesson with Dude. So this time, I will do myself a favour and let life take its course, keep the Faith burning with the knowledge that the best has yet to come and use the Strength given to me by my Girls(my girlfriends) to have the Courage to do it all over again when the time comes. When the right guy comes.

Things I should bear in mind;

The right guy is not perfect, but he would be perfect for me.

The right guy will be my faith, my strength, my courage.

The right guy would know to love me for me with no exceptions.

The right guy will take me as I am, and not judge me because I would return the same.

The right guy is someone whom I can respect, and whom I will take for himself, no exceptions.

The right guy would stand up for me, he would honour me.

The right guy is the one Allah has created to be My Own and I, his.

..with that thought in mind, I am going to live my life as Allah intended for me to live it, in good faith, I'll keep my promise to myself never to hold myself back for anyone. Because with Dude, I realise that I held a lot of myself back and then for what? Just so I could be miserable as I try to work out the physics of his mind, his words, his every action? Now that I know better, I am not going to cheat myself that way again.

..hidup ceria bersama fitness first..

Note : The quote should have been, .."Motivation is what gets you started, habit is what keeps you going". However, due to the limitations of my O2 mini, and the yellow lighting, the top part is covered.. ..my latest motivation of living life as it should is a habit that keeps me going..